Thursday, July 1, 2010

Tasteless Hit-Grabbing Post About Comics and Porn

Adolescent fantasies of male empowerment and female subjugation? Check.

Barely clothed hardbodies engaging in sophmoric banter? Check.

Thin plotlines designed as an excuse to move characters from one physical encounter to the next? Check.

A legion of sweaty-palmed mouth breathers hoarding merchandise, jamming message boards, and obsessing over every move their fantasy obsessions make? Check.

Face it nerds, aside from the HD butt pimples, there isn't that much difference between superhero comics and porn--which is probably why the adult film industry has stepped up efforts to cater to the Comic Con crowd, pounding out "XXX Parodies" of geek favorites. On first glance, Batman XXX: A Porn Parody could easily pass for a sequel to the 1960s Adam West series it is lampooning. And the porno spoof of The Big Bang Theory looks like it could be more watchable than that insufferable nerd-bating sitcom! And according to a recent post on BleedingCool, the first feature-length Wonder Woman may be riding a daisy chain instead of twirling a golden lasso!

Considering the hit-or-miss quality of comics to film, and the fact that comics themselves have a long history of walking the line between bad taste and good smut, I think the (adult) comic book community should embrace these cinematic pioneers. Mainstream Hollywood may have done great work with The Dark Knight, Spider-Man, and Iron Man, but they're far more reliable with stinkers like Elektra, Daredevil, Punisher: Warzone, Ghost Rider, and Wolverine: Origins. Animated films have been consistently strong from both Marvel and DC...but really, if we have to turn to cartoons for the best comic book adaptations, why not turn to adult films, too? Is it really more embarrassing to sit at home on a Friday night watching live-action superhero sex scenes than it is watching a 90-minute direct-to-dvd cartoon? And is it any less entertaining?

What I'm trying to say here, kids, is that we grown-up comic book fans all have questionable taste already, so let's just admit to ourselves that maybe we want to see Iron Man break out his mach 3 Sybian attachment, we want to see what trouble a horndog Professor X can stir up around the Xavier Institute, and we want to see a live-action adaptation of The Boys that doesn't cut corners.

These comic pornographers aren't doing anything but keeping it honest. Of course, honesty shouldn't feel so wrong. Time for a shower or two.